Many strange things have happened to me as a result of this blog. I’ve been on the side of a bus, punked the New York Times in an April Fool’s gag, and found myself on the editorial page of the Wall Street Journal.
But my name in boldface on the legendary Page Six of the New York Post? Me?! Get outta here!
Page Six is where Paris Hilton was born. It’s where Kardashians and Lohans live. Where celebrities of all types go to die, both metaphorically and literally. It may be the nation’s top tabloid gossip column. Or so I am told.
According to this Manhattan Media profile:
It launches books and movies, sells magazines, and makes and breaks restaurants, reputations and sometimes marriages. It has followed the exploits of Hilton and Pamela Anderson and broken news of scandals that became Page One stories. It got the first scoop on Marla and Donald, and more recently on Ellen Barkin throwing water at Ron Perelman at the Waverly Inn. In the world of politics, Page Six has uncovered former Secretary of State George Schulz’s posterior tattoo and the rift between Presidents Carter and Clinton, and it had a field day with the “portly pepperpot” that Clinton “canoodled” with, aka Monica Lewinsky.
What did I do to deserve such
disgrace an honor!?
The article I was boldfaced in was, ostensibly, about recently arrested New York State Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver. In order to make news, Page Six Grand Poobah Richard Johnson discussed — are you ready to follow these connections? — that Silver simultaneously worked for Weitz & Luxenberg as a rainmaker. OK, we knew that, it’s all over the news.
But he also writes that Perry Weitz (and the feds haven’t brought any charges against him or his firm) once worked for Weitz’s father-in-law, Morris Eisen. And Eisen was disbarred for little things like using a pick ax to make a pot hole bigger, or smashing a car with a sledge hammer to make the dent look bigger. I wrote about Eisen six years ago after he was himself hustled by Bernie Madoff.
Back then I noted:
“Murray Eisen the hustler has now been hustled by Bernie Madoff. Don’t expect me to shed a tear for either of them.”
So the Post pulled that quote from my post six years ago, about Eisen being hustled by Madoff, to attach to a wholly unrelated story about Sheldon Silver. Exciting, huh!
Did you follow that trail? Silver is connected to Weitz who is connected to Eisen who is connected to Madoff! I keep waiting for the connection to Kevin Bacon.
But we all know what these three degrees of separation really means, don’t we? It means there weren’t any celebrities that could be found over the weekend that entered rehab. Or got married. Or punched out a photographer. Or “inadvertently” let a booby slip loose. Or were photographed eating a cheeseburger.
When Page Six sinks so low for stories that it uses me as boldface then you know we have a problem in the gossip industry. Let me be the first to say it: Gossip is dead.
Or so I thought, until I found the scrum of photographers on my front lawn when I got home last night, itching for more on the Silver to Weitz to Eisen to Madoff connection. But as you can see from the photo here, I wasn’t quite ready for my closeup.
I know how this works: We live in a world that has gossip, and gossip must be written by men with keyboards. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Johnson? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for …
Oh, crap, that meme won’t work…but the film does have Kevin Bacon.
I’m on Page Six. The world is a funny place.
Update: To those spreading rumors about me with Bethenny Frankel, please stop. My wife reads this blog.